Well I went to the hospital worried, I really didn't think we would get her to sleep. As she only seems to take ten minute naps these days. Plus the past week it sounded like she hadn't really been napping. But then again I think she may have been getting spoilt with cuddles. Don't get me wrong yes she needs love and attention and cuddles, but you can't pick a baby up every time they make a noise otherwise they expect it. Babies are not stupid. Yes she needs interaction but not 24/7, people still need to be able to do the house work. But it would seem after our guests left, whether or not its because shes teething I really don't know. You can't put her down, as soon as you do she whinges.
Now if she was full on crying, needed her nappy changing, needed feeding then she lets you know if you see what I mean. Then she will really cry not just little moany whingey noises, or as has happened now fake coughing. We seem to be managing to get her back in to routine now, so hopefully it was just a phase. Lil madam will laugh as soon as you go in to see whats wrong which leads me to believe she's dipping her toe in the water so to speak to get attention.
It brings questions to the mind of controlled crying, or do you tend to them straight the way. I don't think there is a wrong or a right way of doing it, all babies are different. There is a huge difference between controlled crying and neglect. As I say though unless shes hungry or maybe under the weather it isn't really a cry.
Any way back to the hospital. I really was worried, because if she didn't sleep for the scan it would be more weeks of waiting and then the fact that she would have to have a general anesthetic. Which as I am sure most parents would agree I don't want for my baby.
So we were trying to feed her, she took two ounces and started crying and fussing. So not like her at all. I managed to calm her and passed her to her daddy, he managed to get another three ounces down her and some heavy eyes! So I took her back and had her resting on my chest gently stroking her hair and making low shh shushing sounds in her good ear.
She was out for the count I was so relieved, but still anxious, how long would we have to wait? How long would she stay asleep like this for? So when the nurse finally came out I managed to breath a little, but still not completely they still had to get her on to the bed for the ct scan.
As soon as she was took from my arms and placed on the bed she started crying. Because the beds a lot higher than the wheelchair I thought she had woken up and honestly my heart was breaking. The radiologists were fantastic stroking her hair and swaddling her.
Finally she seemed settled, it would seem she had cried out in her sleep, because they had to put her head in some sort of vice like thing to stop it from moving and they don't think she liked that. When they asked who wanted to stay in the room we agreed I would. I think D did this knowing how little I can do for her at the moment and how anxious I would be outside. I am grateful to him for that, because I can imagine it wasn't easy being the other side of the door waiting.
I honestly can't imagine how parents must feel when there children have to have operations, she was only having a scan and I was in pieces. But you see this scan could end up changing her whole life. If its positive it means one simple knock to the head and she will be completely deaf.
So now we have to sit and wait for an appointment for the results. I tell you if I see the same consultant I will be asking him what he meant when he said the next time I was pregnant I would have to be more careful. I will not take the blame for this. For a while I did. But I did everything I could to protect my baby. I took painkillers towards the end on both doctors and consultants orders, telling me that I would harm my baby more by not taking painkillers because I would be stressing the baby out.
H will grow up knowing no different. We will tell her how special she is. If the test comes back positive, which my gut is telling me it is. Then me and D will learn sign language and teach it to her from now. We will talk and sign so that if the worst was to ever happen, she will still be able to communicate.
So for now I will try not to worry I will watch over her as she sleeps and be prepared for whatever the answer is. Next big day coming up is my private appointment with the professor in neurology. Lets hope we are one step closer to getting answers.