Tuesday, 12 July 2011

Friendship Disasters

Did you know that a friend can break your heart? I didn't until a few years ago. You see my problem back then that I was far too trusting and gave too many chances.

Anyway I was young and pretty naive. I had fallen in love for the first time and couldnt see the guy for what he was. I would get dumped and then we would be seeing one another again and couldnt tell anyone. Looking back now I wonder why the hell I stood for it. The person I am today wouldnt take that crap.
I suppose as they say love is blind. Anyway this guy ended up sleeping with a so called mate. To be honest I wasnt that gutted she was more of an aquaintance than an actual friend. The fact that she had had chlamidia more times than I had hot meals and her goal was to sleep with 40 men before she was 18 kind of spoke volumes. They deserved one another.

Still feeling pretty heartbroken and probably still a little in love with this guy. I turned to my best friend at the time for guidance and support. Then she broke the golden rule of friendship. At the time I was living with my ex- not as in me and him together but in the same house separate rooms with another lady C. She was ace and Im sorry I ever lost contact with her.

Well by this time me and the ex were kind of mates, we would still have massive rows at the pub we worked in and all the regulars thought it better than big brother. So back to the story. We had all decided to go on a night out. I think it might have been St.Patricks day.

Anyway the so called bf spent the whole night flirting with him, so enough being enough I said I want to go home. You go I will stay with the ex. Stay with the ex she did. Then she did worse than that, she spent the night in his room, she denied anything was happening. Funny how all I could hear was the headboard.

I wasnt very happy to say the least but she was my bf, and had promised nothing had happened. I soon moved out and into a flat with a workmate. I get a text from the ex asking if him and the bf can come round. Erm nope. I already know whats going on as the regulars and even my boss had warned me.
My so called bf had broken the cardinal sin of friendship and was going out with whom at the time I felt was the love of my life. We didnt speak for a year. Then we started talking again. By this time she had moved away from Swindon, and confessed to me afterwards that she didnt see the point in staying as she didnt really have any friends there.

Her and the ex had broke up and I think they had lasted almost a year? But she got bored of him and threw him away like an old toy. I did kind of feel sorry for him. You see he was pretty messed up in the head.
So with all that in the past she used to come to Swindon on her time off and stay in the flat and we would go out. I will give credit where credits due she was always at the end of the phone and always a good mate.
I met the other half and I have to admit I was very reluctant to introduce them. But knew at some stage I would. So with alot of reluctance I introduced them. As I was introducing them it hit me I had nothing to worry about, the oh was nothing like the ex and would never do what they did.

They got along fine and the bf made a joke about how I was safe because he wasnt her type anyway! What kind of a comments that?! She obviously felt she was better than me. Anyway she would often come round when he was there and was extremly excited about the wedding.

She helped me pack up my flat and waved me off. When the oh was deployed for the first time, once again credit where its due, she had just passed her driving test and just got a car. She hopped in it and drove the four hours to comfort me. But also to introduce her new boyfriend.

He seemed alright and kept saying to her I'd marry you tomorrow. They had been going out for about a month if that. But if she was happy, I was hardly one to talk. Anyway they were a good source of comfort those few days.

Leading up to the wedding she came down. Made comments about a few things that narked me but I didnt say anything didnt want to row. We went out dress shopping for me and then looked for a dress online for her. I had already said because it wasnt a big wedding the wedding party was a total of 8. I wasnt getting her a long dress but more of a short one because it was my day and it wouldnt look right to me if she was in a long dress. She had the major hump but I told her to get over it.

I was sat with the oh just as she had been with her oh a few months before and she kept saying oh get a room. Bear in mind I was pregnant at this stage and very hormonal. She didnt seem too pleased for me but hey ho. So I was trying not to laugh at something the oh had said as I was trying to be cross with him for some reason and the bf come out with think of dead puppies. Well that got me. Big fat snotty tears, which for some reason she found hysterical and kept it up for quite a while until the oh told her to pack it in.

So on to the wedding day. She was fairly well behaved, but kept asking if she could have her hair and make-up done. I told her no I couldnt afford it and hadnt booked for that so there wasnt the time. Once again I got the cold shoulder. Then when her oh told me that I looked beautiful and if my now husband hadnt married me he would of, he got a stormy look before she went off. It was a joke, but i told him to go after her.

Then when I was about 26 weeks pregnant and stuck in Swindon after a draft to cyprus got cancelled- dirty word- and another blog haha! I got a phone call from the hub. He sounded werid and I was concerend considering he had gone bed at 9pm and it was about 2am. Anyway I tried ringing him back about 30 times.
I was determined he was going to answer the phone and boy when he did he was going to get it in the neck!! The phone was answered 'You must be E' 'Who the f**k are you and what are you doing with my husbands phone, this isnt funny put him on NOW.' 'I think you need to sit down and calm down. Your husband is currently in the back of my ambulance on a spinal board. We dont know whats happened to him you will have to give it an hour and ring a and e. Plus theres no point me putting you on the phone to him as he isnt making any sense.' WHAM. At this stage H is going mental kicking. I guess she was picking up on the adrenaline.

So I texted the bf are you up? She rang back straight away and I told her what was going on. She kept me calm until I could ring a and e and told me to ring her back. So after I had rung a and e and they had told me my husband couldnt feel his feet. Alsorts were going through my head. Was he going to be paralaysed? What the hell was going on? I jumped on the computer my heart racing and all thoughts of sleep out of my head I packed a bag to get ready to go to Plymouth on the next available train.

My mum came down to use the loo I told her what had happened and then the bf called and said I wasnt getting the train in the state I was in if I gave her the petrol money she would pick me up and drop me off. It was about an hour from where she was and then another 3 hours to Plymouth. (I sooo need to learn to drive) Her oh had come with her so that he could sleep on the way whilst she drove and then on the way back they could trade places.

By the time I got there the oh was fine, his drink had been spiked and to this day we still dont know if he had been hit by a car because of the bruises and the way he was found or if he had been attacked.
So once again thats the kind of thing you do for a mate. Except I would always have my face rubbed in it. What a brilliant friend she was how she was such a better person because she had done all this. Now this is just my opinion but when you do something for a friend you do it. You dont brag about it. If you brag about it that means your doing it for the glory that you get from doing it, which doesnt make it a selfless act. It makes it about you.

So anyway after months of waiting me and the oh finally got our quarters and were going to live happily ever after!! Not long after we had moved in she wanted to come down. Now T and P were already down that week so I told her that but also said she was still more than welcome to come. However, unlike the millions of times she had stayed with me for weeks on end before I couldnt afford to feed everyone because they were also fussy and T is coeliac so they would have to do there own shopping.

The bf asked couldnt I just tell T not to come. She wanted to just see me before H came along and took up all my time. Like after H I wasn't going to have a life. I explained to her I wasnt putting T off as I hadnt seen her in ages and in fairness she had arranged it first and if bf had a problem with it to come down a different week. Obviously afriad she was going to miss out on something she came down that week.

Now before everyone had got here I told them I was pretty much confined to the house as I couldnt go far even with my crutches. T said Im not coming to see Plymouth I am coming to see you. Bf didnt say anything.
So T and P arrive. Times getting on and really the boys need to go to the shop to get the food before 6 so we can all eat. Bf and her oh were running late so I told the boys to just go. Anyway shortly after that the doorbell goes. I answer the door 'EWW whats that smell it stinks in here.' Bite your tongue E bite it. Ouch drawing blood. Bf has just walked through the door and its already started. I told her we would be in the dinning room but before going there showed her around.

She turned her nose up at everything whilst her oh is going dead nice. Then she turns and goes your not even supposed to get a three bed. I dont think its fair. Your not entitled to this. Whilst T had said after everything that had happened with the draft falling through and me sleeping on an air bed she was chuffed that we had landed on our feet.

I show her the garden. Its too small. Its massive its just on a hill. I dont like it. I dont like your kitchen either. I dont think its fair you get cheap rent. Ok then. She then goes in to the living room me and T look at one another and have a fag and sit there talking. I got up to go toilet and shes moaning going oh its dusty in here. Hate it. Shes sat with a face like a slapped arse and I dont get it. I had so been looking forward to it and supposedly so had she.

Anyway all of us are playing UNO and she makes a comment that I forced my oh to marry me, because no-one would have otherwise and I didnt give him a choice about the baby. That she wants a baby because her ambition is to get a council house. She then turns round and says Im sick of people moaning about preganancy your supposed to glow arent you. Not that you ever did. Hurt and confused and not wanting to make a scene I kept quiet. If there hadnt have been other people there I would have kicked her out. Im trying to make excuses its probably that time of the month. Her and her oh must have had a row in the car on the way here. I just refused point blank to see the truth. Well T made a few comments back at her to stick up for me but I could tell she was also biting her tongue.

The next day me and T went to get our cards read, bf and the boys didnt want to so I suggested bf and boys go pub. But she made it clear she didnt really want P there so he stayed with us. And we agreed to meet them at the pub afterwards and get something to eat. I hadnt been out of the house in ages!

So we finish our readings and shes outside with an ice cream I suggest getting lunch. Oh we've already eaten. I want to go home its cold and I have seen the barbiacan before. Well T and P hadnt but to save a row we went back. T was cleaning up whilst bf sat there stuffing her face and throwing her sweet wrappers on the floor. She would finish her drink get up to get another one and leave her can where it was.

I had just told my husband off for rocking on the chair incase he broke it, because its rental furniture. So bf starts doing it instead and says she cant understand why my husband is still with me because all i do is nag. I dont do anything I just sit on my arse all day. HELLO I CAN HARDLY WALK! I'M ABOUT TO HAVE A BABY AND I HAVE A DISABILITY. She then carries on along this line. Aswell as comments such as you better not give birth whilst I'm here. Hello dont come down near my due date then!!!

Now once would have been a joke but to continuously say it is not. Then she kept saying to my husband you will be useless you will just pass out. You wont cope. E will have to do it on her own. HES A MEDIC! HES MY HUSBAND AND WILL NOT PASS OUT. DROP IT!

She then plans to go in to town with her oh T tells me this and I say nothing. About 1pm everyday she would make an appearance leaving glasses and rubbish in her room. She comes down and asks what the plan of the day is. I say well your going in town so me and T will stay here. Well you can't get out the house and I'm sick of staying in all the time. Surprised shed been caught out she sulked off and didn't get back till gone 6. Then had the arse because we were eating. Well she hadn't had the decency to text how was I to know that she wanted something plus she hadn't bothered getting food in!
Anyway she then gets the hump because I wont lend her a DVD she had already asked the hub and he had said no, ask E they are our DVDs. She goes on a rant about how its either mine or his and if it was brought recently it would be his as I am not working and not paying my way. THANK GOD YOUR LEAVING TODAY!

So she thanks me for a wonderful weekend and goes off. I thought I had over reacted but as soon as she left T exploded thank god shes gone I wasn't going to stand for any more of that. I had decided I wasn't going to take her calls for a while she had really upset me. So I texted and said I'm a bit pissed off you need to leave me alone for a bit I will be in touch when I am ready. Now normally when she had not known what shes done in the past and something like that has happened she has asked me to tell her whats wrong so we can sort it, so in my eyes she knew exactly what she had done.

I had already decided to wait until H was born and see if she said anything as she would see it on facebook. She didn't so I deleted her and her oh as I didn't want them seeing what was happening. She sent me a message on facebook f'ing and blinding saying I had issues I ignored it.

On mothers day we were at H's great grandmas and she kept ringing and ringing and I kept cutting her off. Long story short words were exchanged and she was nothing but horrible. And clearly had saved it for mothers day ending the text with happy mothers day hope you have a nice life. You will never have any mates because your such a bitch. She also tried saying that it was her oh making the comments not her. She has done that in the past blamed someone else and I have believed her. You see I once walked in to the toilets at the pub to hear her and another so called friend slagging me off. So I guess that makes me the fool for continuously allowing them back in to my life!

So I learnt friends can break your heart. And when they do don't let them back in. It would seem she was jealous. Because there is no other excuse. I have had my heart broken again by a friend. It just makes me feel like I should just be careful as to who I trust now because I am beginning to feel like a fool when its me that ends up hurt.

8 comments:

  1. I agree friends can break your heart, very sad story but a lesson learnt for the future. By the way your baby is absolutely beautiful x

    ReplyDelete
  2. thank you, i think she is soo amazing, but i am biased lol. Yes lesson was definatley learnt and sadly the hard way!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Wow, she wasn't exactly a supportive friend was she!and I agree, she was jealous. Thank goddness you cut her out of your life. Nat

    ReplyDelete
  4. well i think i gave her too many chances. I think being pregnant made me realise that I was going to have a child of my own why would I want to deal with other peoples childish behaviour!

    ReplyDelete
  5. What a jealous bitch :o eugh don't worry chick 99% of women wouldn't treat anyone like that. I don't think i would have been able to bite my tongue. You deserve so much better Xxxxxxxxxxxx

    ReplyDelete
  6. I dont know how i managed to bite my tongue, luckily instead of the hormones raging, they calmed me. Hubby said if he had have heard half of it he would have booted them out the door xx

    ReplyDelete
  7. Blimey-I am quite lucky,Haven't had many huge fallouts where I never speak to one of my friends again,I have found,more often that I drift apart from my friends.I have a couple friends that I have known for years but don't see as often as I'd like due to them working and having social lives and me having 5 amazing kids and a brilliant husband.I have some friends that are always there whenever I need them.Friendship is a funny thing.I am a very sociable person and find I have different types/groups of friends.Am not great at keeping in touch though.True friends are worth their weight in gold,as you said it seems your ex bf was a Glory seeker.I hope you have some amazing friends in your life now.x

    ReplyDelete
  8. I am lucky enough to have some amazing friends, sadly I live about 3hours away now. As my husband is in the Navy and chances are, we will end up moving further away eventually x

    ReplyDelete