Wednesday, 10 August 2011


Time seems to have gotten away from me yet again. So it has been a few days since I last posted!

H is teething so at night time she has to have cuddles to fall asleep. Today she took the dummy for all of five minutes before spitting it out and having a hissy fit because shes over tired. D after a few attempts with the roundabout right outside where we live managed to get her to the docs about her rash. They said thrush. I however am not convinced, but I am not a doctor so will wait and see if the cream helps.

D as ever has been an amazing supportive husband. We did have a good anniversary and he surprised me by bringing my home flowers and chocolates even though we had already exchanged presents. Got a fantastic card off my mum with two camper vans on, if you have seen our dinning room you would understand why this is so apt. We both have a bit of an obsession with camper vans!

But going back to the title the decision is do I stay in Plymouth or move back to Swindon where I have a support network who could help me with H during the day. Also there is a house opposite my mother that's for rent. Seems kind of ideal. Except for night time, that's when I need the most help when I have taken all the tablets of an evening its impossible for me to get to the bathroom on my own without falling down as has already been proven.

However, I don't want to leave Plymouth. Here with the cheaper rent we can save up for a deposit on a house. Here I am settled and the thought of moving again makes me shudder. Plus all my appointments are on the go here and I remember from when I first spoke to a GP over here you cant just transfer everything over.

I would probably have to start again. Meaning being at the bottom of the waiting list for having my gallbladder out, which also means re-qualifying for the psoriasis and psoratic arthritis drug.  Plus waiting longer for pain management. I don't want to be a weekend wife I remember how hard that was last time. I also remember how hard it was on D. We didn't have H in the equation then.

Personally I don't think it would benefit me or H to do that. So I guess you could say my minds already made up. But its not really, as I may have no choice. If I can't cope then I will have to go. I just feel that a week ago before I got this cold I was getting there, I felt able to do more things, unless we went out I didn't use the wheelchair. Even then depending on the length of the walk as long as I had something to lean on I didn't need it.

The reason for that is we seem to have found a balance as far as painkillers are concerned. Now I know that I can't stay on these for ever because of the risk of addiction and the fact that after a while they will eventually not work as well.

This is only supposed to be temporary though. I am seeing a neuro surgeon Wednesday and I am going to make a point of asking what can be done and asking if I need to get myself admitted in to hospital before they take action!

I also have an MRI of my hips again. Now when I see that idiot consultant again I am going to tell him if he doesn't know what it is to do a biopsy. After getting really upset and in a state earlier I have got my fight back.

I will see how our visit from the naval personal family service goes. Depending on that I will whilst D is here try to take care of H as if he isn't here so that I know if I can cope or not.

After getting off the phone to my mum and speaking to D and feeling like I had to move I decided stuff it. I told D to give me the bottle I would feed H. Not only did I do that but I gave her a top and tail bath, not that successful the madam managed to pee all over me and be sick three times. Meaning I had to re-wash her a lot. I then gave her a massage with lavender baby oil which she seemed to enjoy.

Then I put her to bed. Admittedly my back is hurting alot. But I would rather that than go to Swindon at the moment. My happiness is here. But I am just not sure if that's the right decision anymore. I guess the only way to figure this out is to try it in Plymouth for a while and if it doesnt work go back to Swindon. Yes I risk that house across the road being gone but after mulling it over and talking with D for hours this seems like the best way to do it so that I dont sit in Swindon a month or so down the line feeling better and thinking what if.

I think this is almost one of the hardest decisions for me to make, there are so many pros and cons for both.

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