Saturday, 3 September 2011


It seems like things are finally happening to sort me out. My MRI has been moved forward to Monday. I rang and asked if I could possibly have a sedative as I don't think I will cope with being fully in the machine for over an hour as I am having a brain neck and spine MRI. The last few I have had I have not been to bothered by as I have not been totally in the machine I haven't had my whole body totally in! So they advised me to ring my doctors, but if you are a regular reader you will know just how helpful they are.

 When I was having a total breakdown and my husband rang them for a doctor to come out. They said they would get someone to call back. That call back was two hours later and his attitude was to just up my anti depressants and take more diazepam for that day to calm me.

When I actually went to the doctors and broke down in front of her, she said mine was a complex case and as she was only part-time she wasn't prepared to take it on. Also I was told I had to much on my mind and to forget about certain parts of it! (Erm hello). She then went on to say that I would just have to pretty much get over my meltdowns until the higher level of anti depressants kicked in. Which as she pointed out could take more than a month. She didn't look at what I was asking told me the rest of her patients had been waiting long enough and said I could stay in that room until I calmed down.I only thought a GP could refuse to treat you if you were rude, not because you were a complex case!

Safe to say until I got indoors took all my medicines and a sneaky baileys hot chocolate it took me quite a while to calm down. Anyway that night I didn't sleep to well but tossing and turning and just had a thousand and one things running around my head.

The next day I was still feeling teary, but low and behold I got a phone call from my neurosurgeon's secretary. Asking me to come in on Tuesday for my spinal surgery. Turns out the surgeon has been as good as her word. It will be about 3 weeks since I saw her when I actually have the surgery.

I know I have been told not to get my hopes up that it will fix the other problems including my back pain. However, I can't help but hope, and I am not going to stop hoping as its the first time in a long time that I have felt hope. It would seem that their is a little light at the end of the tunnel.

My husband and mum have both been fantastic at keeping my mind of it (when I haven't been asleep that is) I was talking to my Husband the other day and saying how I think he may be a little bit addicted to games. He sat there and said no its been days since I played a game. I looked at him and to my phone which he had in his hand and was playing a game on and laughed.

Then trying to dig himself out of the situation he turned round and said I meant on a computer, then I sweetly pointed out that the night before we had played a hidden object game together!

It made me realise all over again who I am fighting this for, I'm fighting for my family.


  1. You are a very brave woman and you deserve more support from the 'system' than you are getting. Thank God you have an amazing family.

  2. Thank you, there are days where I don't feel very brave. The system sucks apart from one or two people no-one is prepared to listen anymore. My family is amazing, my husband and my little girl give me the stregnth when I don't have any left to keep on battling forward. Hopefully now this will be the answer or at least lead to it! x