Gallbladder op

The strip lights were flickering above. Whispered conversations were being had all around the room. You could hear the click click of heels walking up and down the corridors, the beeping of machines and snoring.

I was back in hospital and it felt like hell on earth! It three weeks on Wednesday I had gone to the doctors because my gallbladder hadn't stopped hurting for near on 48hours - I was booked in for a routine gallbladder removal the following week, I was happy to wait but not so happy with the pain.

When I got to the doctors they sent me straight to the surgical assesment unit. Good job really my gallbladder was septic and could have burst. So after being taken down for emergency surgery on the Thursday I was trying to sleep things off in between pressing my morphine button.

Because of the drip and morphine machine I was wired to I needed help when I wanted to get to the toilet as I couldn't physically get to the plug or bend in that direction. Well I ended up with the snottiest health care assistant ever!

Every time I got back to my bed she would refuse to reset my morphine machine saying it automatically did it- it didn't. Then as I would go to put my oxygen mask back on I would find ut turned off. Being told that I didn't need it- funny that, a consultant is highly more qualified and he's said I'm too stay on it because of my blood pressure or some other reason.

When I would ask her for pain relief I wouldn't get it would have to keep buzzing until I got someone else as he would conveniently forget!

Then to top it off the next morning she's doing the rounds asks me my pain level- now since I'd been on this ward it was between one and three , three being the highest. I put mine between 2.5 and 3 to be told I wasn't in pain. HELLO it's MY body!

Now don't get me wrong there are some fantastic people out there doing the job, but some people shouldn't. It doesn't help recovery and being in hospitals depressing enough! And I'm sorry but wether or not they are having a bad day or not is not a good enough excuse to take it out on the patients. To be honest it's now left me petrified when I have to go in hospital.

Then to top my day of at 3am one of the girls on the ward has decided its a perfect time to play her music. Queue one unimpressed me shouting for her to turn it off. Wouldn't have minded if that had happened instead a few of us had to complain. Now this grates me because as soon as H started getting too noisy D would take her for a walk- this was during visiting hours and she is a baby. Then I had a snorer next to me, a lady who obviously wasn't very well mentally screaming help me every five minutes (she thought she was falling bless her) and one of the worst sounds in the world retching all of them. I was itching to get out!

When I went to change out of my gown I realised that blood had seeped through so lifting it up expecting to see dressings all I saw was an open wound- trust me I nearly retched! They had glued my wounds. Really clever not!

Three weeks on and I'm in worse pain than before I had the bloody thing out. My belly button wound has been open for a while now and I'm on my second dose of anti biotics.. With no sign of it disappearing.

Now you would think that would be my bad luck over oh no. Why would we allow that!! My leg fits as I'm walking with my frame, I go down straight on to my ankle. Now I've broken my ankle before and walked on it and this was more painful. Due to the fact I was upstairs had to call out the ambulance men. So after being stabbed with a needle and having it wriggled about five times (nice bruises!) they find a vain hip hip hooray! Time for the morphine not that it touches it. Then begins the fun, them carrying me down the stairs- not an experience I wish to repeat.

So when I first get there I'm put on a special bed to elevate my ankle because of how badly swollen my ankle was. I was given no pain reliefs and after a few puffs the gas and air runs out and the doctor refuses to replace it because apparently it doesn't help... Now tell me why would I be asking for it if it wasn't helping?!

So off for X-ray the doctor comes back pushes my foot up and tells me that it's not broken- I'm screaming at this point do he decides that he's going to say that I'm feeling pain when I shouldn't be as he didn't touch me. And seems as it wasn't swollen clearly theres nothing wrong its at this point i refuse to let him touch me due to the pain. So another Dr comes over screaming the whole time as he twists my ankle he tells me it's strained and that from a medical point of view there is nothing wrong.

Then he sees how I'm holding my foot and asks if I have cramp. No its the most comfortable position oh in that case you've probably strained your tendons. Contradictory! I have one telling me to rest for a few weeks another telling me to use it. So at the moment I'm doing a bit of both.

Sadly I have taken a step back. I'm back in the wheelchair as it would seem something happened to my back during the fall. Then again it's not that long ago I had that operated on!!

They have started me on a new med which means coming off the others cold turkey. I am so tired but the itching and fidgeting is stopping what little sleep i was managing. Now the pain management consultant thinks I may have fibromyalgia but now it appears that I have two infections and a joint flare up I'm praying that's not the case.

Waiting on a scan as they think I may have a collection of stones or bile, which possibly means more surgery. It's draining. I'm feel back at rock bottom and then to top this week of the hubby ends up having to have a tooth out and is really poorly with it so end up down a and e with him at 4am.

What is it with this family?! I think it's time our luck changed. Got to say that I'm hoping never to have to have surgery in Plymouth again. Each experience has left its mental and at present non healing physical scars on me.

So what with all that had happened at the weekend I decided me and D needed a break. So after a quick surf on the net I decided we should head to Roscoff, France. You see if we got the overnight ferry there and one back wouldn't need to spend on a hotel. Because of my wheelchair we needed a disabled cabin. I have to say I'm extremely impressed they made sure they parked you next to the lift and held it for you. The rooms were huge with a push of a button the door opened for you and there was even a seat in the shower!

The crossing there was great and it felt like we were there longer than a dy. apart from the odd hitch with the wheelchair it was a fantastic weekend and we has a real laugh and let our hair down. You have to make the most of being kid free!! Although it's almost to quiet without her and I am rather missing her although she's having a whale of a time!

My only comment would be is by closing the shops and restaurant so early they are losing out on some serious money as you only really have the chance to do one or the other unless you rush!!

Well I was going to write about my feelings towards Halloween and Carol singing in this post, but I've rambled on enough already and I don't think I have the energy to type anymore!!

A Great Day

Today has been well brilliant. Yesterday due to a dodgy tummy I blame the orange high juice personally! I had managed to ditch the zimmer frame, because trust me, you can not run with that thing! Yesterday I had made the decision to come off the Ora morph unless I needed it badly say in the evening. So after not taking that for the first time ever, I heard Holly wake up and cry.

I left it for a few seconds, which always feels like hours when your baby is crying, I decided stuff it I am going to tackle the stairs. I made up, nearly giving my mum a heart attack in the process! Then I fed her breakfast and was glad that she went sleep after because it was 6am.

So mum took her back upstairs and I got back in to bed and just as I was getting in to a deep sleep the doorbell went. It was Mr Postman. So I took the stuff inside, and decided I may as well ring the doctors. Then I was planning on getting back in bed.

Well that plan went to pot, someone was awake so I decided to change her on the sofa with the changing mat, saves my back and I tell you its actually better than my changing station as that is too low for me. So with that done I let her play on the floor with her toys, whilst I got comfy on the sofa keeping an eye on her. H has decided its fun to either commando crawl and roll to reach the handles on my mums T.V unit trying to chew on them or open. Plus she will then go the other way trying to get in to the dinning room which currently is my bedroom.

Anyway, she decided she had had enough of that and it was getting close to her lunch time so I put her in her round thingy ma bob that helps her sit up.. cant remember what its called haha! When mum seen me pick her up there was a gasp and E didn't think you could do that just yet.

You see the leaflet says two months. I've not even reached to weeks post op yet. The relief I feel however is immense. I have now managed to cut down all off my tablets apart from those that seem to be helping with the shakes.

So anyway. I fed her her lunch. Went and sat outside with her for a bit, as she loves it in the garden. She is so alert and totally fascinated by everything and every noise. Although to start with she wasn't too keen when mum started up the lawn mower but by just stroking her face and telling her it was ok calmed her.

After that mum had decided to take H for a walk to the shops to get some bits in. I crawled in to bed. I was shocked I knew if I didn't sleep I'd regret it so I read for a bit and slept some. Then the doorbell went and it was Smiley C. So we had a catch up and apparently I am a bad influence and made her smoke too many cigarettes haha! By the time she was leaving it was H's tea time. Which is desert time which she normally laps up.

H was having none of it, apparently the strap on the high chair was more tasty, so glama held that back and the lil bugga lugs just went to the other side, clever bugga lugs admittedly, but still lil bugga lugs! So after managing to get half down her bib and a couple of spoonfuls in she then decided to spit it out. Obviously she wasn't that hungry. So I left my mum to give her some juice while I spoke to the hub, who had left his phone in a different room. Yet had the home phone in front of him, not realising that particular one was not charged doh!

So anyway I finally managed to get hold of him and the doorbell went again, because mum was cooking I got out of bed and it was T. She had changed her mind and decided to come round after all, she loves H. Then about 8 H had her bottle with her rusk in (which I fed her) and then put her down.

If I say so myself I am quite pleased with myself, like I said before I am not even two weeks on from the surgery, and yes I do get pain, but nothing I can't handle. So I am ready to tackle this. Obviously the first week or so before going home I will do here to make sure I can do it and am ready, if I am not I have back up.

The only thing is its like being a new mum. As I never really had the chance to do this much with her before. So its quite scary but I know I can do it and I will do it. I can't wait to get back to my husband. He can't wait either because he misses seeing me and H each day when he comes home from work and feels a bit lost. I tried to tell him that doing the house work would take his mind off it, but he didn't believe me, dunno why... haha.

So that's all for today. I am posting this because I am proud of myself. I cannot thank the surgeons enough, they have changed my life less than two weeks ago I was in a wheelchair unable to walk or sit for long periods of time and now this. I am still resting though, I don't want to run before I can walk and set myself back.

Me, hub and mum had come up with Christmas as a deadline, its looking likely that that may be thrown out of the window! Thing is H is so easy to look after, shes so happy and content to play. She will chat away to you but she doesn't need 24/7 attention. If she rolls over and bumps herself she's more likely to get back up and carry on. Just as if something makes her jump she will jump and then begin to laugh. My baby is a tough cookie, it runs in the family.

I am so glad tomorrow is Friday as it means the hubby gets to Swindon and I have decided to keep the wheelchair for the weekend so that I can get the Christmas shopping out the way because I don't know how long it will be before I can walk or stand for long periods. I still couldn't stand and cook a dinner. What I can do though is look after me and my baby and that's what matters! This time I really am going, but I will leave you with a piccy that I love.

Coming Round, The op and Recovery plus general catch up!!

coming round

Well I had my surgery today. Although I may not be able to post this till I am home. At the moment I am very drugged up so if I am not making sense, that's my excuse and I am sticking to it!

We had to get the ward for 7am so when someone told us that i may not go down until 1pm I felt like crying my mouth was dry my back however was in bits. I was very surprised to see my husband get all manly and demand that I be given a bed to lay on as I can not sit for long periods.

I'm surprised neither me or my husband launched at the stupid bollocks of a man who speaking at the top his voice said that nhs cuts were because they were paying money on equipment for the army, but he felt that more chairs were more necessary d. i. c. k. head. Personally I would loved to have put him straight, shame we got called out at that moment.

So anyway I have to stay on oxygen pretty much till I leave apparently it helps lower the risks of catching an infection which I do not bloody want thank you very much! I even have my own special toy.  Its called a morphine pump although they have offered me Ketamine as well but this i refused as i would have been put on a ward and taken out of my side which i have luckily acquired.  I cant sleep on wards so i thought it was a fair sacrifice.  They gave me something else instead though but it did begin with a c.  Bit like Gas and Air really!!  Makes me feel like i don't give a flying F***!!

I say i don't give a flying but that was until hubby walked in.  I felt sweet relief as i had my bitch back to run my errands LOL joke.  I sent him to get sweets drink and trashy magazines which always makes a girl feel better, even if at the moment everything is blurry and I am getting the hub to type this, im sure if i put my face close enough to the magazine I will be able to read it! Then for another shock which made me choke a bit. Uncee A the hubs mate had sent me a lovely card wishing the best of luck but it didn't stop there he had also sent me the most beautiful bouquet of flowers which arrived apparently in a nice vase as well. D has some competition for my hand LOL - erm I was dictating to my husband not anymore. I can't believe he has done that, it really is so sweet especially when some of my so called friends couldn't even wish me good luck! (And they are still looking and smelling lush a week on!!)

So uncee A I just want to say a big thank you. You have always been their in the background. As soon as we brought H home from the hospital there was a parcel waiting for us. A Liverpool kit for H. The oh was none to pleased! neither was h come to think of it as no sooner had we put it on she was sick everywhere on the kit.

A week later.

Well the operation had gone well, I was as you can probably tell by the above post as high as a kite on morphine until I asked for the commode. The nurse brought it in. Left me, bear in mind I have just had back surgery and before it I was in a wheelchair, so its been a while since my legs have been used. Anyway I manage to get on the darn thing with the nurse button near me but the morphine button the other end of the bed. So I do my business and 40 yes 40 minutes later someone comes in leaving the door and curtain open whilst I am sat on the commode so obviously pretty stressed in a damn site lot of pain I tell her to close the curtain and I want a formal complaint made. You cannot leave someone like that for that long. Not that they really cared as far as they were concerned they were busy. So I said now I need something else for the pain, because at this point I was crying and on the verge of screaming in pain. The nurse comes in and says to me do I want ketamine. Er no. Don’t fancy being paralysed and hallucinating surely that’s not good for people suffering depression, just come round from surgery and wanting some sleep?!  I want what I had before which had worked. I also want to stay in the side room because of how I'm feeling I wont sleep and don’t want to have other people looking at me or me looking at the horrid blue curtains that they don’t bother closing when you actually need privacy!!

Anyway it took them 3 yes that’s right 3 hours of me screaming and crying in pain before they sent someone. Who got on his high horse when I told him yet again why I didn’t want to take the horse tranquilizer drug. He got the hump and said the one that I wanted meant 25minutes of his time and he would have to do my obs and I wasn’t worth his time as he had more important patients. There was also a third drug but he refused to tell me about it. So after arguing about patient choice for about 20 minutes in which time he could of done it he goes off gets the drug beginning with C which at the start you can see makes me a happy bunny. Except he doesn’t give me a full dose he, he doesn’t check any of my obs. Then he says is that any better, a little but not a lot. Well that will have to do, I have wasted enough time with you and I will not come back down if your in pain and if they do send someone you will have to have ketamine. Thought I didn’t have to do or have anything against my consent!!

Anyway I am a week on the dressing has come off. I can walk slowly with a frame. Sometimes I am brave/ stupid you decide and go without and then have to sit down half way. I have had to come to Swindon for my recovery because the Navy will not allow my husband anymore time off.

I can’t pick up my baby girl for two months but at least when I am led or sat down people can pass her too me for cuddles. I am still going through the whole guilty about everyone else doing everything for her phase on and off. My auntie in Ireland sent a package of clothes over for H and they are adorable, she has great taste! I have managed to end up with lots of visitors which is nice but tiring.

I am going back to Plymouth soon for some appointments one of which is H’s hearing scan results. I am still waiting for my latest MRI results.

Someone who obviously knows me and my husband well-ish is playing games and signing us up for sites that we didn’t join and couldnt have done on some of the dates!  And I don’t just mean dating sites. So we know who-ever it is, is trying to split us up. But they are going to have to wake up a lot earlier than that to catch either of us believing that the other has joined such vulgar sites. This has happened tonight and me and the hub are wondering if we can get the police involved whether we should? What would you do. Its beyond a joke now. And can only be one of a few people. So passwords and emails and other things may have to be changed!

But other than that all is fine and dandy here! I feel better being able to walk again. I am managing to reduce my diazepam which has got to be good, and take the oral morph less often because its yucky! Although I am still getting very sleepy pockets during the day or evening where if I don’t go to sleep I will pass out. On that note I am going now as this post has been long enough. But then again it has been a week that I, Mrs Gabby Guts has tried to condense!!!

A Little Light

Well Wednesday we went to see the neurosurgeon. I didn't hold out much hope. I was falling towards rock bottom at this point. I had had enough and trying to figure out a way round things was getting harder. A very kind person said that they would hope for me as I said I didn't have any left.

That's the amazing thing about blogging and forums, you talk to people and they support you, even though they don't know you. I write about my struggles and problems because this is MY blog to do with as I wish! Why should I just keep quiet to please one or two people. If I have a problem with someone I come straight out and say it. My blog has been about my struggles and has been a huge help to me. It has given me faith that there are some genuine people left in the world.

To my surprise the neuro surgeon was fantastic and understanding. She showed us the damage to two of my discs in my back. Then showed us how a normal disc should look. There is a big difference, considering how badly my mobility is at the moment she has decided to operate.

Yes I am scared and nervous about it but at the same time I am glad finally someone has decided to take some action! I know what the risks are but I feel they are worth taking. The gallbladder surgery will go on hold as this takes priority! It has also been classed as urgent which could still mean 8 weeks, I really hope not.

We do kind of have a back up plan of care thanks to strongman aka cheesy chips man. I am not going to let the cat out of the bag on that one just yet don't want to jinx it, but if it pulls off it means finally my luck has changed.

As for H wow. She has come on so much. She could already roll over on to her front and shuffle on her bum, now she can roll over the other way. We gave her some baby rice and she lapped it up! Hopefully she may go down a bit earlier tonight.

H has definitely been showing signs of teething as she had some bloody dribble and you can see the white of the gum, and a bit protruding out where the tooth is. Still she is a good baby all she wants is extra cuddles. Like father like daughter, she is rather laid back. We were up at the hospital for five hours on Wednesday as I had to go to pre-op. She was amazing, she kept quiet and when people came over to pull faces and chat to her she would chat back and laugh. One nurse said she thinks she will be forward when she's older. Another said she should be a model as she has the perfect baby face. I agreed... Not biased at all!!

We also discovered how H was managing to get to the top of the bed when our backs were turned. Its not quite crawling (she isn't even 5 months yet so I don't expect her to do it until she is ready!) What she does is uses her knees to push herself forward to get what she wants. She hasn't realised yet that if she used her arms as well she would make her life easier!

Because she will be five months this month and has been draining most of her bottles and looking for more, after seeking advice, and also realising we can't hold her off much longer we decided tonight to try her with some baby rice. She didn't spit it out, hardly made a mess (although she was trying to get her hands in the bowl!) and grabbed the spoon to give herself some more! I think we can call it a success. Its such a hard life being a baby and having your every need looked after lol!

The only thing I worry about with weaning her is her reflux. Is that going to cause problems and how are we going to get the gaviscon down her if it is! I think its a case of time will tell.

Oh and this morning I was woken up to a brilliant surprise. A beautiful delicate ring with 12 diamonds and 18 carat white gold eternity ring engrave with xx love you xx. Choked me up, as the hub has know how long I have wanted one, mainly because my wedding ring is giving me an allergic reaction at the moment and some days my rings fit and others not. So it seems like the start of a good weekend.

Trying to get round to planning a games night soon. Won't be a long one though as I haven't got the stamina and it all depends if  I can get down the stairs or not! I have a pain clinic assessment next week so hopefully they will sort some better medication for the back out so I can ditch the wheelchair!

I think I have rattled on enough for now so I'm going to go!