So I'm supposed to be starting Remicade infusions tomorrow.. Bit concerned as I have a blocked nose and cough. I'm worried they won't let me take it and the thing is I can't remember the last time I didn't have a cough or cold...
I've had my flu and pneumonia jabs so hopefully I'm not going to make myself poorly by going for it anyway!!
Wednesday, 30 January 2013
Milkshakes
Bit of a random post...
So because I am on morphine I have no appetite and throw up a lot. So before I take my tablets I like to line my stomach and well if I can't eat I find a milkshake the nicest and tastiest way to do this..
So when doing an Asda shop (yes on a scooter. And yes I crashed as usual. Twice ha) I spotted a new Friji shake flavour. Caramel Late. It was on offer Even better!
So I take my milkshake home and before tablet time drink it. Tasted alright. Get towards the bottom. OH NO... True to type I've treated myself and its about to go wrong...
There's lumps. It's off. It's 9 days out of date. Now bear in mind I've hardly an immune system an have to eat the diet of a pregnant lady...
Cue four days of 'which end should go on the toilet first' and crippling tummy pains.
So true to my style I kept the bottle and receipt.. And as soon as I could leave the bathroom trotted off to asda to complain. Didn't expect anything other than a redund...
They gave me the full price of the milkshake and not the cheap price I payed plus a £20 voucher! Impressed.
So considering what happens when I treat myself I played it safe getting some outfits for H and a new set of pjs for me... I'm hoping I can't go wrong with PJs... Although there is a story involving Pjs me littlewoods and a bad delivery company... Ill save that for another day!
So because I am on morphine I have no appetite and throw up a lot. So before I take my tablets I like to line my stomach and well if I can't eat I find a milkshake the nicest and tastiest way to do this..
So when doing an Asda shop (yes on a scooter. And yes I crashed as usual. Twice ha) I spotted a new Friji shake flavour. Caramel Late. It was on offer Even better!
So I take my milkshake home and before tablet time drink it. Tasted alright. Get towards the bottom. OH NO... True to type I've treated myself and its about to go wrong...
There's lumps. It's off. It's 9 days out of date. Now bear in mind I've hardly an immune system an have to eat the diet of a pregnant lady...
Cue four days of 'which end should go on the toilet first' and crippling tummy pains.
So true to my style I kept the bottle and receipt.. And as soon as I could leave the bathroom trotted off to asda to complain. Didn't expect anything other than a redund...
They gave me the full price of the milkshake and not the cheap price I payed plus a £20 voucher! Impressed.
So considering what happens when I treat myself I played it safe getting some outfits for H and a new set of pjs for me... I'm hoping I can't go wrong with PJs... Although there is a story involving Pjs me littlewoods and a bad delivery company... Ill save that for another day!
Health and Hard Decisions
Well as regular readers will know I have psoriasis and psoratic arthritis.
After moving to Scotland I broke my wrist and things with my arthritis seemed to go downhill from there.
For nearly two years in Plymouth I had been fighting to get treatment but due to funding it was a war between which department would pay which meant it never happened!
Well when things got really bad hubs had to take a lot of compassionate leave and didn't end up going to sea. We got a lot of crap for that. Not his fault.
I ended up in hospital for nearly a month and was on Iv morphine regularly until a treatment plan was ready they didn't want me to leave.
They agreed for me to start Humira. Sounded great- could be the miracle drug we were looking for. Sadly it turned out to be the opposite. I ended up with drug induced MS and other symptoms. I had to come off it, I'm still suffering from every cold and bug going its the joys of immune suppressing drugs. Thankfully the MS symptoms have reversed themselves!
Having had that and then come off it meant I was just as bad as when I got admitted if not worse. So painkillers were increased until I could start the next one.
Sadly though it can take 6 months to work and even then I could still need a lot of help around the house as I do now. Most days hubs has to lift me up out of the bed for me to get to the toilet and stairs are impossible.
I've had to shave off all my hair because the psoriasis was that bad and thats quickest way to heal it. Plus it had nearly all fallen out anyway so it was quicker to just shave it rather than wake up to clumps every morning.
With all of this going off. We realised that hubs needs to be at home to help me aswell as to help look after the little one. Plus the painkillers im on are so strong i often fall asleep.So he's handed his notice in to become my carer and we are waiting to find out if he can get a compassionate discharge so we can move back to friends and family.
I start my infusions on Thursday and I have everything crossed that things improve!
After moving to Scotland I broke my wrist and things with my arthritis seemed to go downhill from there.
For nearly two years in Plymouth I had been fighting to get treatment but due to funding it was a war between which department would pay which meant it never happened!
Well when things got really bad hubs had to take a lot of compassionate leave and didn't end up going to sea. We got a lot of crap for that. Not his fault.
I ended up in hospital for nearly a month and was on Iv morphine regularly until a treatment plan was ready they didn't want me to leave.
They agreed for me to start Humira. Sounded great- could be the miracle drug we were looking for. Sadly it turned out to be the opposite. I ended up with drug induced MS and other symptoms. I had to come off it, I'm still suffering from every cold and bug going its the joys of immune suppressing drugs. Thankfully the MS symptoms have reversed themselves!
Having had that and then come off it meant I was just as bad as when I got admitted if not worse. So painkillers were increased until I could start the next one.
Sadly though it can take 6 months to work and even then I could still need a lot of help around the house as I do now. Most days hubs has to lift me up out of the bed for me to get to the toilet and stairs are impossible.
I've had to shave off all my hair because the psoriasis was that bad and thats quickest way to heal it. Plus it had nearly all fallen out anyway so it was quicker to just shave it rather than wake up to clumps every morning.
With all of this going off. We realised that hubs needs to be at home to help me aswell as to help look after the little one. Plus the painkillers im on are so strong i often fall asleep.So he's handed his notice in to become my carer and we are waiting to find out if he can get a compassionate discharge so we can move back to friends and family.
I start my infusions on Thursday and I have everything crossed that things improve!
Hotel Disater
Well with one thing an another going off right now me and Hubs decided a night away was in order.. (Will post an update at a later stage)
So after much deliberation we decided to go and stay in the Novotel in Edinburgh. We picked there as we had stayed on the move down to Helensburgh and really enjoyed our time there.
In true fashion though nothing went to plan!
It all started well. The journey was quick with no hitches. Even managed to buy a self propelled wheelchair on the way there so we knew that I could explore Edinburgh freely.
We got there and the staff that booked us in were amazing and even gave H a little toy. It's the little things for me that make good customer service.
We checked in to the suite and all seemed fine. Got our swimming gear on and took H for a swim. She loved it! Such a water baby an even though she's not quite two she's so confident.
Finished in the pool after dragging H out after two hours. Then it was time for bed so we settled H down. Popped a movie on and ordered some room service.
After the food arrived H woke up so we settled her down again. I'd been feeling a draft for a bit so just turned up the room temptature and thought nothing more of it.
So tried to start eating the meal again. Hubs had just opened a drink and had laid down on the bed next to me. The next thing we know BANG! The window flys open knocking a drink all over my fairly new boots and scaring the life out of us and waking H.
After five minutes we realised the window was not going to shut. So called reception and a very helpful member of staff came and moved us to another suite.
So we decided to let H blow off some steam for five minutes before outing her back down an getting some shut eye. Next thing I know she's picked something up and is studying it intently. Thankfully I got to her before she could study it to closely. It was a bare wire.
Now up until this point I had remained calm. They'd moved us room so I didn't think I'd have any problems getting someone to come and look at the wire and confirm wether or not it was live and put some insulating tape round it.
The reception member of staff who answered the phone was rude and unhelpful. Refused point blank to come to the room. Told me he was the only member of staff on and that if I wanted compensation (I didn't at this stage) I would have to wait to speak to a manger.
There were no more suites and at this point id taken morphine painkillers. A normal room would not have fit my wheelchair and the travel cot in so whats the point in moving room?! I asked if we could have a refund on the room so that we could change hotels. This apparently was not possible and there was no manager available or even a supervisor. Fine so get the manager to call me tomorrow and come to the room to discuss our complaints. The response no we don't want to wake you. Well tell us a time?! No. You have to come down. Fine.
Fuming at this point knowing I won't sleep a wink and will probably be in too much pain after moving room to enjoy our day out the next day. I also knew I'd be paronoid about the wire as in my eyes it's a fire hazard.
Next day. Husband went downstairs for the receptionist on duty that day to come up and apologise and tell him the manager has offered us free breakfast. At this I'm a little annoyed why has the manager himself not apologised? He knew I wanted to speak to him as I told the receptionist I did.
So downstairs I go. Hubby leaves me in the wheelchair next to a chair so I can sit and talk to the manager. He comes and stands behind me so my husband has to come and move the chair. He stood there with his arms crossed the whole time. Didn't apologise once, didn't let me finish one sentence and told me basically what was the problem he was offering a free breakfast.
I told him I wanted a refund he told me he wasn't going to do that as they'd miss me once. He then also tried saying they'd given us a free upgrade to a suite until I pointed out we had already paid for a suite. So how is that free? Plus moving is to another room happened because of a fault down to them. So he offers me £50 which wasn't quite half price of the room tells me that's as high as he can go. I ask to speak to someone higher. His reply he doesn't know if the general manager is in and if he is which hotel he's at. Erm well ring him? (Seriously what happened to common sense and good customer service?!) he tells me there is no point as the gm doesn't answer his calls. Well try him anyway or ring head office I don't care I'm not leaving till something is done. His smart reply? Well you stayed the night. As I pointed out I couldn't speak to a manager couldn't get a refund so how could I leave at gone 11pm. What did he expect me to do? Get my family to sleep in the car park? Apparently yes that would have been better!
Long story short he went off told me gm wouldn't answer phone and there was nothing more to be done and that basically he didn't believe there was a bare wire. I showed him the photo on my phone and offered to wait/go with him to the room to view the wire. He declined. I told him I wasn't happy and wanted head offices number and would ring them from the hotel as I wouldn't leave until it was resolved. He told me he wasn't sure of the number and would I quote 'see what I can do'. Erm no you WILL get the number!
Anyway after much deliberation we left with the promise of a call from the GM or Revenue manager. The GM was on training and it was the latter that called. I was impressed with how quickly and efficiently it was dealt with- as it should have been in the first place! She apologised- unlike the duty manager. Has authorised a FULL refund- that would have been enough but she has gone the extra mile and is giving us one free nights stay in their suite with breakfast free if charge so we can see how it should be with no problems. That to me is good customer service because I will admit I wasn't going to return to that hotel or wen that chain of hotels but we will see how the next stay goes!!
So after much deliberation we decided to go and stay in the Novotel in Edinburgh. We picked there as we had stayed on the move down to Helensburgh and really enjoyed our time there.
In true fashion though nothing went to plan!
It all started well. The journey was quick with no hitches. Even managed to buy a self propelled wheelchair on the way there so we knew that I could explore Edinburgh freely.
We got there and the staff that booked us in were amazing and even gave H a little toy. It's the little things for me that make good customer service.
We checked in to the suite and all seemed fine. Got our swimming gear on and took H for a swim. She loved it! Such a water baby an even though she's not quite two she's so confident.
Finished in the pool after dragging H out after two hours. Then it was time for bed so we settled H down. Popped a movie on and ordered some room service.
After the food arrived H woke up so we settled her down again. I'd been feeling a draft for a bit so just turned up the room temptature and thought nothing more of it.
So tried to start eating the meal again. Hubs had just opened a drink and had laid down on the bed next to me. The next thing we know BANG! The window flys open knocking a drink all over my fairly new boots and scaring the life out of us and waking H.
After five minutes we realised the window was not going to shut. So called reception and a very helpful member of staff came and moved us to another suite.
So we decided to let H blow off some steam for five minutes before outing her back down an getting some shut eye. Next thing I know she's picked something up and is studying it intently. Thankfully I got to her before she could study it to closely. It was a bare wire.
Now up until this point I had remained calm. They'd moved us room so I didn't think I'd have any problems getting someone to come and look at the wire and confirm wether or not it was live and put some insulating tape round it.
The reception member of staff who answered the phone was rude and unhelpful. Refused point blank to come to the room. Told me he was the only member of staff on and that if I wanted compensation (I didn't at this stage) I would have to wait to speak to a manger.
There were no more suites and at this point id taken morphine painkillers. A normal room would not have fit my wheelchair and the travel cot in so whats the point in moving room?! I asked if we could have a refund on the room so that we could change hotels. This apparently was not possible and there was no manager available or even a supervisor. Fine so get the manager to call me tomorrow and come to the room to discuss our complaints. The response no we don't want to wake you. Well tell us a time?! No. You have to come down. Fine.
Fuming at this point knowing I won't sleep a wink and will probably be in too much pain after moving room to enjoy our day out the next day. I also knew I'd be paronoid about the wire as in my eyes it's a fire hazard.
Next day. Husband went downstairs for the receptionist on duty that day to come up and apologise and tell him the manager has offered us free breakfast. At this I'm a little annoyed why has the manager himself not apologised? He knew I wanted to speak to him as I told the receptionist I did.
So downstairs I go. Hubby leaves me in the wheelchair next to a chair so I can sit and talk to the manager. He comes and stands behind me so my husband has to come and move the chair. He stood there with his arms crossed the whole time. Didn't apologise once, didn't let me finish one sentence and told me basically what was the problem he was offering a free breakfast.
I told him I wanted a refund he told me he wasn't going to do that as they'd miss me once. He then also tried saying they'd given us a free upgrade to a suite until I pointed out we had already paid for a suite. So how is that free? Plus moving is to another room happened because of a fault down to them. So he offers me £50 which wasn't quite half price of the room tells me that's as high as he can go. I ask to speak to someone higher. His reply he doesn't know if the general manager is in and if he is which hotel he's at. Erm well ring him? (Seriously what happened to common sense and good customer service?!) he tells me there is no point as the gm doesn't answer his calls. Well try him anyway or ring head office I don't care I'm not leaving till something is done. His smart reply? Well you stayed the night. As I pointed out I couldn't speak to a manager couldn't get a refund so how could I leave at gone 11pm. What did he expect me to do? Get my family to sleep in the car park? Apparently yes that would have been better!
Long story short he went off told me gm wouldn't answer phone and there was nothing more to be done and that basically he didn't believe there was a bare wire. I showed him the photo on my phone and offered to wait/go with him to the room to view the wire. He declined. I told him I wasn't happy and wanted head offices number and would ring them from the hotel as I wouldn't leave until it was resolved. He told me he wasn't sure of the number and would I quote 'see what I can do'. Erm no you WILL get the number!
Anyway after much deliberation we left with the promise of a call from the GM or Revenue manager. The GM was on training and it was the latter that called. I was impressed with how quickly and efficiently it was dealt with- as it should have been in the first place! She apologised- unlike the duty manager. Has authorised a FULL refund- that would have been enough but she has gone the extra mile and is giving us one free nights stay in their suite with breakfast free if charge so we can see how it should be with no problems. That to me is good customer service because I will admit I wasn't going to return to that hotel or wen that chain of hotels but we will see how the next stay goes!!
Tuesday, 26 June 2012
Crazy Times
Wow.
Its been a long time since I last posted. I think lifes funny like that, life is what happens whilst your busy making other plans. H is now one and we have a puppy. Must be crazy! Oh my gosh time seems to have gone to fast. I have finally had the diagnosis of arthritis in the spine.
Its a relife as it means at least I know whats happening and that its not just in my head. But its also fustrating. I am on alot of pain killers and if we go out for the day I have to make sure I can hire a wheelchair or mobility scooter as walking any sort of distance is becoming too much.
I don't know if that will ever change but I know that its time to just get on with it. I can't let it hold me back. We may be moving to Scotland soon with oh's job. Thats no bad thing though. His boss here is uncaring and unsymapathetic. A few weeks ago I woke up in the morning unable to move my left leg. It just felt heavy, very scary at the time.
Anyway I was advised by nhs direct to get an ambulance out pronto because it could be something called candine equaine (not sure if i have spelt that properly) If it was that it would have meant emergency surgery. I had Holly in bed with me. I couldn't get down the stairs so I couldn't get her any breakfast.
I called the hubby up at work and told him that if he didnt come home that the ambulance service would have to get social services to look after her which I wasn't happy about. After all he wasn't at sea, he was five minutes down the road. So the Husband tells his boss that hes leaving anyway. His boss throws back at him good luck, you'll be arrested before you hit the gates, for being awol from your place of duty.
Well the husband called the ambulance. The controller asked for his bosses number, gave him a dressing down and lo and behold. Husbands home. 2-3 hours of fighting to have that as the outcome. Ridiculous. But it wasnt worth the husband risking it as we would have lost wages and he could have possibly been sent to the naval prision. Because whilst his reasons are good being awol is being awol.
It has made us think long and hard about the future. Does he stay or leave. For now I am taking each day as it comes and we have both agreeded to wait till we get to Scotland and then make the decision....
More catching up to come soon!!
Its been a long time since I last posted. I think lifes funny like that, life is what happens whilst your busy making other plans. H is now one and we have a puppy. Must be crazy! Oh my gosh time seems to have gone to fast. I have finally had the diagnosis of arthritis in the spine.
Its a relife as it means at least I know whats happening and that its not just in my head. But its also fustrating. I am on alot of pain killers and if we go out for the day I have to make sure I can hire a wheelchair or mobility scooter as walking any sort of distance is becoming too much.
I don't know if that will ever change but I know that its time to just get on with it. I can't let it hold me back. We may be moving to Scotland soon with oh's job. Thats no bad thing though. His boss here is uncaring and unsymapathetic. A few weeks ago I woke up in the morning unable to move my left leg. It just felt heavy, very scary at the time.
Anyway I was advised by nhs direct to get an ambulance out pronto because it could be something called candine equaine (not sure if i have spelt that properly) If it was that it would have meant emergency surgery. I had Holly in bed with me. I couldn't get down the stairs so I couldn't get her any breakfast.
I called the hubby up at work and told him that if he didnt come home that the ambulance service would have to get social services to look after her which I wasn't happy about. After all he wasn't at sea, he was five minutes down the road. So the Husband tells his boss that hes leaving anyway. His boss throws back at him good luck, you'll be arrested before you hit the gates, for being awol from your place of duty.
Well the husband called the ambulance. The controller asked for his bosses number, gave him a dressing down and lo and behold. Husbands home. 2-3 hours of fighting to have that as the outcome. Ridiculous. But it wasnt worth the husband risking it as we would have lost wages and he could have possibly been sent to the naval prision. Because whilst his reasons are good being awol is being awol.
It has made us think long and hard about the future. Does he stay or leave. For now I am taking each day as it comes and we have both agreeded to wait till we get to Scotland and then make the decision....
More catching up to come soon!!
Thursday, 15 December 2011
A great week!
So the last few days have been great and lifted my spirits. There's only one down side to this week and that was my rheumatology appointment. I went in to explain about my hip, it only hurts when I walk and it feels like bone grinding on bone which is really painful. He wasn't suprised and basically told me its not a case of if it's a case of when I need a hip replacement but obviously they want to prolong that for as long as is possible!
The other thing is how broody I have been. I know that I would be stupid to have another one until my health is under control and it wouldn't be fair on H. Plus in the new year the hubby's going back on submarines.
I'm not as upset as I normally would be because I have Holly and we can go visiting friends...
Speaking of that! On Tuesday I got a phone call from hubby saying that he had a training course in Portsmouth and me and H could go with him so I texted a good friend of mine who I hadn't yet met who lives there asking if she knew of any cheap hotels. Well she did but asked us to stay with her and her family! I had a great time it was lovely to have adult company and someone to help with H although i was very proud of myself for looking after an 8 month and 4 month old for just over half an hour! And it didn't stress me to much but then again it wasn't for long!
Well we have a new bed coming on Monday and them as the hubby is on leave we are off to go see my mum in Swindon and exchange Xmas gifts.
I feel kind of torn about Christmas at the moment. Originally it was going to be the three of us for H's first Christmas but hubby's uncle has invited us to spend it with his family. I get the impression that hubby wants to go as he feels it should be a time when your with family. But we are a family the three of us. I don't mind doing something boxing day I just had certain expectations of this Christmas with it being H's first and I know I'm maybe putting to much pressure on myself. But I also want to do what's going to make the hubby happy. Plus his uncle and aunt have always been so good to us that I kind of feel like I'm letting them down if I don't go. Can I just cancel Christmas this year?! It's giving me a headache everytime we seem to have a plan and are all sorted and then everything changes!!
Patch the bunny is not in the good books today. The little darling managed to get hold of the curtains through his cage god knows how, and an he's chewed a nice hole in it. He definatley needs the snip he's getting a wee bit boisterous!!
H is thriving although had us worried when she lost her appetite but the dic has said she's fine she's just teething really bad!!
She's desperate to walk and keeps trying to stand without furniture! She's just such a happy baby and it really does make my life easier looking after her. Although she does have a stubborn streak and has a new thing where by when I tell her no she replies yes!!! She's getting her own personality and is a real poser for the camera.
I'm making the most of Christmas by dressing her up and taking pictures! I have also realised that the buggy I have is useless the brakes don't always work and one of the wheels keep going wonky plus it's a bit heavy for me so I think after Xmas I may be saving to get a new one!
The other thing is how broody I have been. I know that I would be stupid to have another one until my health is under control and it wouldn't be fair on H. Plus in the new year the hubby's going back on submarines.
I'm not as upset as I normally would be because I have Holly and we can go visiting friends...
Speaking of that! On Tuesday I got a phone call from hubby saying that he had a training course in Portsmouth and me and H could go with him so I texted a good friend of mine who I hadn't yet met who lives there asking if she knew of any cheap hotels. Well she did but asked us to stay with her and her family! I had a great time it was lovely to have adult company and someone to help with H although i was very proud of myself for looking after an 8 month and 4 month old for just over half an hour! And it didn't stress me to much but then again it wasn't for long!
Well we have a new bed coming on Monday and them as the hubby is on leave we are off to go see my mum in Swindon and exchange Xmas gifts.
I feel kind of torn about Christmas at the moment. Originally it was going to be the three of us for H's first Christmas but hubby's uncle has invited us to spend it with his family. I get the impression that hubby wants to go as he feels it should be a time when your with family. But we are a family the three of us. I don't mind doing something boxing day I just had certain expectations of this Christmas with it being H's first and I know I'm maybe putting to much pressure on myself. But I also want to do what's going to make the hubby happy. Plus his uncle and aunt have always been so good to us that I kind of feel like I'm letting them down if I don't go. Can I just cancel Christmas this year?! It's giving me a headache everytime we seem to have a plan and are all sorted and then everything changes!!
Patch the bunny is not in the good books today. The little darling managed to get hold of the curtains through his cage god knows how, and an he's chewed a nice hole in it. He definatley needs the snip he's getting a wee bit boisterous!!
H is thriving although had us worried when she lost her appetite but the dic has said she's fine she's just teething really bad!!
She's desperate to walk and keeps trying to stand without furniture! She's just such a happy baby and it really does make my life easier looking after her. Although she does have a stubborn streak and has a new thing where by when I tell her no she replies yes!!! She's getting her own personality and is a real poser for the camera.
I'm making the most of Christmas by dressing her up and taking pictures! I have also realised that the buggy I have is useless the brakes don't always work and one of the wheels keep going wonky plus it's a bit heavy for me so I think after Xmas I may be saving to get a new one!
Friday, 2 December 2011
The lies that people tell
Ok so I know I've really neglected my blog of late.
I've been to rock bottom and back again. Well at least that's what it feels like! Well I shall do my best to catch you up.. But I warn you I am typing this on my phone so you will have to excuse any typos..
As the majority of you know I had my gallbladder out about a month ago and really things haven't improved too much. I've lost four stone in the last 6 months- don't get me wrong I love an excuse to buy new clothes.. It is concerning however when I've not been active and I haven't exactly been the worlds healthiest eater!!
Well I went for a scan after a month of having my gallbladder and I have one doctor telling me that it's just bruising there. Another telling me there's a blood clot and a collection of stones.. So I think I have to wait for another scan!!
With all my symptoms and the fact that I am not absorbing my vitamins as I should they want to test for Chrons disease- runs in the family and does add up.
Then after the joy of being almost free from back pain that's come back to bite me in the bum with a vengeance! It spasms and not only that but now it has a new trick! It locks up and renders me imobile until the hubby literally moves me- not a pleasant experience. It's also a pain in the proverbial both literally and mentally. Try having a very active 8 month old who has decided that now is a grand time to stand up and try to walk. Plus you can guarantee the time my back goes is when I need to get her out of her cot or it's dinner time and this does not make for a happy baby or mummy!!
I'm trying so hard these days to focus on the things I can do. Things that a few months ago were impossible. Walking would be a grand example!! H is growing up so fast and I don't feel I'm missing out as much as I was. What is a pain however is that when the hubby comes in from work he takes over and nine times out of ten I go bed. My biggest fear is that this is going to impact on our relationship in a bad way. So we do what we always do. We make the best of what we've got and make sure we are open with one another..
One of the things that hurt alot. More than I was prepared to admit was my father. He's an alcoholic. Along with a lot of other things. We hadn't spoken in years. When I found out he had cancer I tried to make amends. Maybe for selfish reasons in the sense that I did not want anything to happen to him and I hadn't tried.
Well the first time I tried I got a not so nice email. Basically telling me as far as he was concerned he didn't have a daughter an all I ever did was cause problems. Then it was followed by a complete lie. You see me and his wife have never really seen eye to eye. Apparently my father was seriously ill in hospital with a blood clot on the lung (since found out it wasn't serious and certainly wasn't a clot but hey ho) so anyway his wife tells him she's contacted me and I've said I don't care.
Well anyway. I try to tell him this hasn't happened at all to no avail! So I left it. Then I heard that things were pretty bad. By this time I was pregnant with his first grandchild. I felt he deserved another chance. So I tried again. Totally different response almost like a different person answered the email!
He told me how happy he was for me etc. Now stupidly what with him having chemo I honestly managed to get in my head that he wouldn't be drinking anymore. So we went off to meet up. First thing that happens when we get there bear in mind it's probably about 2pm is that he cracks a cider open. I think my heart sunk at that I felt gullible for believing that things could honestly change and like so many times before where he was concerned I felt let down!
Other than a slight disagreement and the obvious awkwardness the night seemed to go smoothly. He said that he wanted to leave the past in the past this was fine by me as I knew that we would just argue about it as we have done so many times before..
So things went well and we came home. I felt a little hope that maybe H could have some form of a relationship with him. After she was born they came to see us. We went for a meal and then came back to the house. We hadn't been back long when he said he needed to get back to the hotel and would nip in on the way home the next day.
I was surprised to say the least he hadn't been round for long and it seemed a long way to come, plus he didn't seem to be that interested in H. I jokingly said to the hubby I bet he had to get back so he could go to the pub. The next day my joke was proved to be a spot on theory.
Well as far as I was concerned as long as he wasn't doing it around me or H I didn't care. I didn't need to know or be a part of it.
We were then asked to go to their caravan for my step mums birthday. Whilst there after my Dad had had one to many he told me and the hubby that he had five years left to live. Really didn't know how to feel about that one. Or how to react.
Fast forward a few months later when I'm informed that it's all a lie. My Dad been given the all clear. Since I found that and the fact that they need bothered to get in contact when I had emergency surgery I stopped all contact.
I can't believe that anyone would be sick enough to lie about that. I certainly don't need him in my life I've managed very well so far. I don't need the heartache and I don't want H to suffer because of his lies. I feel stupid for falling for it. It's not like it's the first time he's told me he's dying but the fact he had cancer I had no reason to think otherwise really!!!
So now trust becomes an issue for me again. I know some people won't be happy that I've posted this but you know what I don't care. My Dad has told so many lies about me and caused problems in the family that it's time the truth came our about him. He's nothing but a drunk and a wife beater. Him and his current wife are as bad as on another and deserve one another!!
I realise now that sometimes you make your own family. Friends can become your family and an important part of your life when they are true friends.
I guess my main thoughts are I don't know how family's do things like that to one another. You can't always take people at face value even if they are some one you are supposed to be able to depend upon.
I've been to rock bottom and back again. Well at least that's what it feels like! Well I shall do my best to catch you up.. But I warn you I am typing this on my phone so you will have to excuse any typos..
As the majority of you know I had my gallbladder out about a month ago and really things haven't improved too much. I've lost four stone in the last 6 months- don't get me wrong I love an excuse to buy new clothes.. It is concerning however when I've not been active and I haven't exactly been the worlds healthiest eater!!
Well I went for a scan after a month of having my gallbladder and I have one doctor telling me that it's just bruising there. Another telling me there's a blood clot and a collection of stones.. So I think I have to wait for another scan!!
With all my symptoms and the fact that I am not absorbing my vitamins as I should they want to test for Chrons disease- runs in the family and does add up.
Then after the joy of being almost free from back pain that's come back to bite me in the bum with a vengeance! It spasms and not only that but now it has a new trick! It locks up and renders me imobile until the hubby literally moves me- not a pleasant experience. It's also a pain in the proverbial both literally and mentally. Try having a very active 8 month old who has decided that now is a grand time to stand up and try to walk. Plus you can guarantee the time my back goes is when I need to get her out of her cot or it's dinner time and this does not make for a happy baby or mummy!!
I'm trying so hard these days to focus on the things I can do. Things that a few months ago were impossible. Walking would be a grand example!! H is growing up so fast and I don't feel I'm missing out as much as I was. What is a pain however is that when the hubby comes in from work he takes over and nine times out of ten I go bed. My biggest fear is that this is going to impact on our relationship in a bad way. So we do what we always do. We make the best of what we've got and make sure we are open with one another..
One of the things that hurt alot. More than I was prepared to admit was my father. He's an alcoholic. Along with a lot of other things. We hadn't spoken in years. When I found out he had cancer I tried to make amends. Maybe for selfish reasons in the sense that I did not want anything to happen to him and I hadn't tried.
Well the first time I tried I got a not so nice email. Basically telling me as far as he was concerned he didn't have a daughter an all I ever did was cause problems. Then it was followed by a complete lie. You see me and his wife have never really seen eye to eye. Apparently my father was seriously ill in hospital with a blood clot on the lung (since found out it wasn't serious and certainly wasn't a clot but hey ho) so anyway his wife tells him she's contacted me and I've said I don't care.
Well anyway. I try to tell him this hasn't happened at all to no avail! So I left it. Then I heard that things were pretty bad. By this time I was pregnant with his first grandchild. I felt he deserved another chance. So I tried again. Totally different response almost like a different person answered the email!
He told me how happy he was for me etc. Now stupidly what with him having chemo I honestly managed to get in my head that he wouldn't be drinking anymore. So we went off to meet up. First thing that happens when we get there bear in mind it's probably about 2pm is that he cracks a cider open. I think my heart sunk at that I felt gullible for believing that things could honestly change and like so many times before where he was concerned I felt let down!
Other than a slight disagreement and the obvious awkwardness the night seemed to go smoothly. He said that he wanted to leave the past in the past this was fine by me as I knew that we would just argue about it as we have done so many times before..
So things went well and we came home. I felt a little hope that maybe H could have some form of a relationship with him. After she was born they came to see us. We went for a meal and then came back to the house. We hadn't been back long when he said he needed to get back to the hotel and would nip in on the way home the next day.
I was surprised to say the least he hadn't been round for long and it seemed a long way to come, plus he didn't seem to be that interested in H. I jokingly said to the hubby I bet he had to get back so he could go to the pub. The next day my joke was proved to be a spot on theory.
Well as far as I was concerned as long as he wasn't doing it around me or H I didn't care. I didn't need to know or be a part of it.
We were then asked to go to their caravan for my step mums birthday. Whilst there after my Dad had had one to many he told me and the hubby that he had five years left to live. Really didn't know how to feel about that one. Or how to react.
Fast forward a few months later when I'm informed that it's all a lie. My Dad been given the all clear. Since I found that and the fact that they need bothered to get in contact when I had emergency surgery I stopped all contact.
I can't believe that anyone would be sick enough to lie about that. I certainly don't need him in my life I've managed very well so far. I don't need the heartache and I don't want H to suffer because of his lies. I feel stupid for falling for it. It's not like it's the first time he's told me he's dying but the fact he had cancer I had no reason to think otherwise really!!!
So now trust becomes an issue for me again. I know some people won't be happy that I've posted this but you know what I don't care. My Dad has told so many lies about me and caused problems in the family that it's time the truth came our about him. He's nothing but a drunk and a wife beater. Him and his current wife are as bad as on another and deserve one another!!
I realise now that sometimes you make your own family. Friends can become your family and an important part of your life when they are true friends.
I guess my main thoughts are I don't know how family's do things like that to one another. You can't always take people at face value even if they are some one you are supposed to be able to depend upon.
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